A Half-Hearted Decision

Have you ever been coerced to do something so bad it made you cry just thinking about it? OK, wouldn’t want to give you the wrong idea but I wasn’t molested or abused or anything. It’s just me and my obsessing over stressful things like work, more work, and more more more work. People close to me come up and tell me, “You stress too much about things that aren’t worth stressing about”. But what can I do? This is me driven by the absolute inevitability of taking more than what I could handle. Because I’m not very fortunate enough to have extra dough to spend for all the vanities life could offer. Because I can’t buy that swell outfit from Dorothy Perkins. Because I don’t have the means to bum around and stuff myself with Porterhouse steak or a Yellow Cab pizza or even Twister Fries!

Alright, it all started because I couldn’t treat myself to Twister Fries. But no, this isn’t just about that. This is about virtually everything that got me all bonkers again.

Someone close to me offered me a part time job in the insurance company they work in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always going to be grateful for the offer. But the thing is, a huge chunk of my indecisiveness is all about me not wanting the job at all. Alright, I’m not “sales material”, whatever you wanna call it, and it’s an unchartered territory for me.

I have this inkling that it’s really not meant to be. First of all, I couldn’t quite manage to fit it in my cramped schedule. Second of all, I failed the exam (and me failing an exam is a major thing, mind you). And third I just don’t see myself doing it at all. And no one seems to understand!

Problem is, I can’t bring myself to quit, after all they’ve done for me and after all the trouble I’ve caused them…it’s never going to be that simple. Now I’m all stuck. I just thought, well, maybe I should just suck it all up.